Lovers say goodbye all the time. It’s not always clear why because by definition, love is a chemical process that causes delusion and it does not help that love is not something you can measure in a beaker. If you’ve just been dumped by a person you spent quite some time devoting your love and life to then you should probably acknowledge that when it comes to relationships, it can get confusing to try and understand what went wrong by trying to figure out the other person’s mind. Face it, you will never understand the mind of the opposite sex no matter how hard you try.

Why you got dumped by your guy

Here is a fact. It is widely acknowledged that men are idiots. Men are even sometimes referred to as dogs. However, the truth is, men don’t enjoy hurting the feelings of women. Quite the contrary actually.

If you just got dumped by a man you are still very much into then you should try to understand his reasons for giving up on the relationship you people had. Primarily, in the majority of cases, a man abandons a relationship when he stops getting what he wants out of it. You see, men crave respect. They crave admiration. They need to know that their partner holds them on a pedestal admiring them for who they are. Believe it or not, men can be just as insecure as women although they might not voice out their insecurities as passionately as women do.

When a relationship gets platonic or downright stale, you can’t expect a guy to hang around. Call it ego or a display of manhood, men need the attention, the smiles, the batting of the eyelashes and the interest.

With that said, if you just broke up, how do you get your ex back? Before we get to the strategies that you can use to get together with your ex boyfriend again, you should probably take the time to reflect on something. Do you really want the guy back because you love him and your life makes no sense without him? Or is it just you trying to get back at him for breaking up with you in the first place? Or you just can’t deal with the feeling of rejection?

Once you are absolutely positive you want your guy back, it’s time to get to work. Love only happens once and if you are sure the person you just lost is the one, fight for him.

1. Don’t panic

Ok so you just broke up with your boyfriend. First thing you need to do is calm down and take a step back to reflect on the situation. Whatever you do, don’t panic. To get your ex back, you will need all your wits about you and freaking out is not going to help your case.

2. Take a break

If you just had a conversion with your guy and he wants out of the relationship, let him go. Believe it or not, if it came to the point that he voiced out his need for air and space, you probably need a break too and a true one. In simple words, don’t call him incessantly, don’t email him every hour and don’t even think about stalking him to work or wherever he usually goes.

3. Treat him like a person who once shared your life

It is a common misconception that the first thing to do after a breakup is to show the other person how much you care? Wrong! You will only cause more alienation and anger.

4. Control your emotions

Human beings are weird creatures. When our emotions are raw and exposed, we tend to do crazy things that we might live to regret for a long time. To avoid saying or doing things that you might live to regret, after a breakup, control your emotions to avoid things such as seeking revenge, saying things you don’t mean or deliberately causing pain.

5. Don’t avoid him

If you’ve shared your life with someone for some time, then you are bound to have things to do with each other. You may work together. You may go to school together. The key here is not to be rude to other person. Keep things casual, for the moment at least.

6. Believe it or not, you need this time off

After a breakup, it is only understandable for you to feel the need to crawl back in the arms of the person you love begging for forgiveness and promising him the world if not the universe but believe it or not, you need this time off to

7. And he needs this time too

It is generally acknowledged that absence makes the heart grow fonder. If you just broke up with your guy, give him the time to start missing you before you throw yourself back at him again. Give the guy room.

8. Reconnect with your old friends

When a person gets into a serious relationship, it’s very common for the couple of isolate themselves from the rest of the world. If you just broke up, now is the time to reconnect with your friends and this can go a long way in making your ex feel that you truly moved on. Before you know it, he’ll come crawling back.

9. Focus on your work

Is there an area of your career that you’ve been neglecting as a result of being in a serious relation? Now is the time to reverse the clock and make things right. There is nothing that ticks a guy more than a woman with brains and the ability to compartmentalize.

10. Play dirty

After a breakup, it’s normal for people to feel blue all the time and it’s only too easy to ease into depression neglecting your body and health. You want your guy back, you are going to have to get back in the game with a renewed vengeance. Start with working on your body. Love yourself more than you love anyone else.

Cheating – A huge, HUGE debate.

For some people, if there is no physical contact, there is no cheating. But then, what qualifies as cheating? Is holding hands physical contact? What about kissing? Or a pat on the back? Well that’s for another post. In this article, we’ll focus on what we call online relationships.

For many people, an emotional involvement with another person is cheating. The thing is, the number of chat rooms and chat clients online is doing nothing but increasing all the time. The debate is more intense and passionate than ever before. We cannot deny that these days, we all feel the influence of being involved with people online in our “real” relationships.

The good thing about the Internet is that we can stay completely anonymous (at least to our regular chat buddies). Public chat rooms provide a certain deal of security and this attracts even the shyest of individuals. Online, you can create a whole new personality (which can be completely different from your real self), and you can sign off as soon as you get outside your comfort zone. The difference between this and “real life”? You get to stay when it’s fun, and leave when it’s not. Pretty cool.

This is actually precisely why these days, people tend to prefer having online conversations as compared to live ones. It sometimes gets so intense online that even people who are in serious and committed relationships start flirting and romancing with others just for the hell of it. It starts with strangers who soon become good online chat buddies. It gets ugly when a spouse starts doing what it takes to make time to lead a separate life online nurturing relationships they begin to care for more than anything else they have going on for them. Romantic chats can last for hours each day and the emotional bond can get so strong that fights are ignited in real relationships. In the virtual world, it’s only a matter of time before a public chat leads to an exchange of private chat IDs, which in turn leads to private webcam sessions and an exchange of phone numbers. One thing always leads to another and we all know it. It happens everyday.

Does it hurt the other partner? If you are doing a good job at hiding it, chances are it doesn’t hurt that much. Why does it still hurt a bit? Because your partner can feel the distance and he knows that something is going on. If you are less of a techie, it’s not a big deal for an average computer user to get access to your chat logs. If more than innocent friendly conversations took place, some feelings could get hurt. And if compromising pictures were exchanged, it’s a no-brainer. Here’s a cool fact: Many Internet relationships are discovered by accident, like forgetting to log out or to close a certain conversation.

With all that said, getting social and flirty is normal human behavior. The key here is understanding what partners expect from each other and to discuss if it’s possible for these expectations to be met and respected. Perhaps this is the ultimate answer. You are not cheating if you are not doing anything beyond your partner’s discussed (not assumed) expectations.

Believe it or not, what people feel after a breakup is a passionate subject that has been widely analyzed and theorized scientifically. While it’s common to think, when you are trying to survive a breakup, that no one else has ever experienced that much pain before or that your situation is “different”, it’s perhaps good and to some extent healthy for you to acknowledge that more often than not, this is not the case (which if you think about it a good thing!).

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced in her book On Death and Dying “The Five Stages of Grief”, a theory that applies to grief in all its forms and genres including losing a loved one over a breakup. The book was published in 1969 but till date, the theory stands firm and unchallenged.

Reading this article may help you find your way at this critical point in your life coming to terms with how you are feeling right now and hopefully it will help you to understand better the later stages of your grief that are yet to come your way.

Stage #1: Denial

“No, this is not possible. We cannot break up. We didn’t breakup. After all these good times, how can she just walk away like this? Naaaah, it didn’t happen. She was just in a bad mood!”

Genuine denial. You are aware that you’ve lost the person, that he or she is really gone, maybe forever but you just don’t want to deal with the situation right now. You feel it’s better to believe it’s not happening.

The stage of denial may persist even after both your partner and yourself have decided that the relationship is really over for good. As a matter of fact, for most people, denial may occur even if there is no doubt whatsoever that the breakup happened and that they cannot go back in time to change how things unfolded.

Stage #2: Anger

“What the hell? Who does he think he is? I am not a ***** that he can just date for a while and then dump!”

It’s now clear for the individual that denial is no more an option. He or she realizes that things went bad and that something has been lost. Under these circumstances, it’s sometimes normal for us people to choose to manifest our loss in the form of anger.

And only too often, we choose the wrong people to vent our anger on. The anger is probably easier to gear towards people who try to care for or cheer us up.

Stage #3: Bargaining

“You don’t need to do this. I’ll change, I promise. I’ll be a better girlfriend. If the problem is me not cooking frequently, I’ll start cooking more often – It’s not a problem. Trust me. Please come back to me. I need you.”

Sometimes it comes after anger, other times it comes before.

This is an instinctive mechanism that attempts to get back what has been lost…and truth is, it sometimes works! For the times that it doesn’t, the person bargains almost everything imaginable until he realizes that he cannot get her back.

When this happens, the next stage occurs…

Stage #4: Depression

“I’m never going to fall in love again. I don’t need any friends or family. I just want him back. If I’m not gonna get him, I might as well be on my own, alone or die. How am I going to be happy again? He was the one, and he left me… I don’t want to live anymore”

Depression is the true realization that nothing can be done to reverse the clock and return what has been lost. It’s when the rope gets cut, and you just released both ends, watching everything you ever cherished go away, melt away.

To get over this, will-power is important. You need to go out even if you don’t feel like it. You need to get rid of the bad memories by throwing away your ex’s stuff for example.

Stage #5: Acceptance

While it’s hard to believe that you’re going to be fine when you’ve just been dumped by the person who you thought was the love of your life, acceptance is eventually going to happen.

You are going see and accept that things were how they were and that breaking up was not the end of the world.

Bumping into your old flame won’t give you any sinking feeling. In short, you will eventually evolve and transform into a brand new and reformed person.

If you just broke up, these 5 stages are what you are going to go through. Everything is going to be fine. However, if you REALLY want to get back with your ex, then there are some strategies that you can implement to get your ex boyfriend or girlfriend back – no matter how unique you think your case is. CLICK HERE to learn about these strategies!